"Being green is easy, being broke is a bitch."

- Kermit from his interview with A CLEAN SLATE CREDIT



"The only priceless part was when piggy wouldn't fit in the cab"

Kermit the Frog

Kermit dishes the dirt on MasterCard, Disney, identity theft and being married to a pig... priceless.

ACSCC: Kermit, you are world renowned, Lipton tea and MasterCard paid you big endorsements to sell their products and you, personally, are an Icon. How is it possible you had credit issues?

Kermit: MasterCard is run by Nazi gonifs and I married a pig.

ACSCC: Explain.

Kermit: First of all lets get one thing straight. All that shit they flung in that commercial was bullshit. Nothing was free, a fucking trip to New York is gonna be free?

ACSCC: Well, it's marketing.

Kermit: Another thing. The only priceless part was when piggy wouldn't fit in the cab. One week filming that damn commercial. If it wasn't for fozzy bear keeping me sane, I'd have flung myself into the Hudson.

ACSCC: Strong words, buddy.

Kermit: It gets me riled just thinking about it.

ACSCC: Tell me about your debt.

Kermit: MasterCard fucked me. "Free", my green ass, those commercials don't talk about the interest, the draconian payments or the outsourced operators you gotta deal with when trying to get an increase. Like everyone else, I've had my ups and downs. Piggy pushed me into traveling and spending big on luxuries. She owns a huge collection of heels and thongs. Me, I'm really a simple guy.

ACSCC: Ok, so you got pushed into it by the wife?

Kermit: Pushed, slapped, whacked upside the head. That pig is one mean sow when she doesn't get her way.

ACSCC: So she ran you into debt?

Kermit: She'd run the sultan of Brunei into debt. Never marry a diva, that's my advice. I didn't listen, I saw the ham and wanted a slice. So sue me.

ACSCC: So you had debt.

Kermit: And two black eyes, yes. My debt is one thing, my debt my problem. On top of being robbed by my agents and abused by my piggy, some bastard stole my identity and went on a bender in Vegas.

ACSCC: And what happened?

Kermit: Hell if I know. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

ACSCC: No, I mean, what did you do about the identity theft?

Kermit: Oh. Well your outfit fixed it up, fair price too.

ACSCC: So you came back?

Kermit: You bet my green ass I did. Funny, being green and having no green, that's a bitch.

ACSCC: You seem to handle green better now.

Kermit: Being broke, that's the bitch.

ACSCC: You made some claims about abuse, how would you say that's viewed in the industry?

Kermit: They look the other way. Between Jimbo's hand up my ass and piggy going all Ike on me for every little thing, it's a miracle I haven't committed froggicide.

ACSCC: Is that a homicide or suicide?

Kermit: I'd probably go for both.

ACSCC: Ok. So Lipton...

Kermit: Fucks sake, Lipton. Hey, I can dig it, but there was a time I educated, now I sell out and hawk products.

ACSCC: You have been around. When will you retire?

Kermit: Retire? That's rich buddy, Disney owns me outright. They'll pimp my ass for eternity and pay me peanuts. Look at Mickey, that poor fuck hasn't had a vacation in 50 years!

ACSCC: You're a survivor, I'll give you that.

Kermit: I'm one tough frog, I know.

ACSCC: Tell us about your priceless experience... feeling Cuban.

Kermit: It opened my eyes. I can wear gold chains, lizard shoes and summer shirts open to the navel and not be laughed at.

ACSCC: Guayabera's are quite a thing, eh. What about the food?

Kermit: Plantains I like, but that pork has gotta go. 30 years I ate a pig, once you been where I have, it's kinda hard to get the taste out of your mouth.

ACSCC: 30 years of work. What can you leave us with?

Kermit: The hotel bill. I put a few hookers on the tab, you said make myself at home.

ACSCC: Colombian or Venezuelan?

Kermit: Both!

ACSCC: No Cuban chicks?

Kermit: Of course! That's where the flavor is.

ACSCC: Kermit, you're a mensch.

Kermit: Thanks.

Parody. Not to be taken seriously. MasterCard is not run by Nazi gonif's. We don't even know what gonif means.

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