Don't submit to debt... anything else is fine.

The money you save with us can benefit a truly noble cause...

Like paying law school for "Sparkles" up there. The perks are, if she goes into divorce law, she already has your retainer.


social media ad, series 2

Active ad, 2018 series.

This particular ad was inspired by ETrade's "Don't Get Mad" Campaign. Again, we used the gold in the photo to highlight the whole Gold Digger thing and followed up with the yellow tint. The only thing missing is a toy mini poodle.

[The] Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." - Hunter S. Thompson

social media ad, series 10

Random ad, 2018 series.

This is another ad that didn't make the cut. For obvious reasons. First of all the dimensions are off. The women look the same but the seals are different sizes. Worse yet, they weren't vector. Then we have the wording. Sounded too sexual. And of course the type color was too light. Call me a perfectionist, but I couldn't in good conscious run this ad.

Mixed media parody, series 140

Random ad, 2018 series.

This is part of a parody campaign with the late great Mr. Rodney "No Respect" Dangerfield. All my employees love this guy. And we thought who better to use than the one guy most likely never to experience identity theft. Lovable man, iconic too. Look out for it coming soon.

Idle hands are the devils... ah, nevermind

Before we go and offend anyone, no actual chickens were harmed during this ad. Figuratively speaking, any other chicken choking is not our concern. We suggest idle hands to be put to work on better... okay, maybe slightly better things, like perusing our website.

Free vision test!

This idea came to me while I was at the optometrist and I had to read the chart. Admittedly it isn't to scale with an actual chart, but I still think it works. Late 2017

Wanna pull my pork?

This one came about for Christmas 2015. When Cubans share a magical moment of bonding over a home roasted suckling pig. Pork to a Cuban is as holy as boxing, baseball, vulgar jokes and asses (we'll get to asses, don't worry). We took it further, but technically we can't offend anyone here. Pork is pulled. We never used it, so pork porn never took off.

Do it yourself... or pay a service

We take advocacy seriously, perhaps a bit too serious. Here is something even we can't imagine, or want to. Nevertheless, the message is quite clear. Do it yourself or pay a service. Currently running on Google 2018

The famous mambo "Tequila"

Beer and tequila: getting fat girls laid for years. (Watch the feminists send me letters now), We found this stock photo online and had to do this, I mean it could be true. We aren't regretted by our clients, so you know...

Relax, buddy

This man has enough on his plate. We advocate consumer rights, but we also provide a service to those who want it done for them. In this case, the photo worked well. Stock photo used here. Late 2016

No witch doctor needed

This one is just one of this things... I can't explain it. Voodoo, hoodoo, whatever. Nothing new to islanders. I was talking with a friend and this came to me. As in, save the chickens from ritualistic sacrifice, we get results without the hokus pokus.

Someone sent me the image.

Not everything is gratuitous nudity

This is a pretty tame push, by our standards. But it does make a point. 2018 concept.

Take it off baby!

Take it off, take it all off! All those wrong accounts damit... And that bra too. Look, at last a stock photo that matches our business. Haters will note we have the balls you don't and still beat your pricing. Late 2017.

Vox Populi, Vox Dei... mother#@$%&*s.

Unconventional, us? Nah.

Gold diggers come in "Gay"

Gold diggers, they are out there, men, women, straight, gay, bi, whatever the case may be. Now this guy is a model, so we don't know if it's really "Lance". It could also be "Rodney", "Bruno", "Rocco" you know, all the cool names. The whole cocaine and Viagra may touch a nerve, but then, let's be honest. Older guy, younger party boy, yada, yada, you know someone is gonna take a whack of something. I've put this up on Gay social media, so far so good. Early 2018

Conventional businessman... me?

There's something about a motorcycle that says AMERICANA. I've had the friends that did the Sturgis runs, I get it. Anyway, I'm not into bikes, I like cars more. 1967 Chevy SS, now that's a car. Anyway, just another unconventional push here. The model looks nice, the bike is a "brassed balled Bobber", custom bike. Harley Davidson... America baby. Now fix that oil drip issue. Early 2018.

Brass balls

Great bike, really great model. Between both, I'll take the bike, sell it, get 4 blondes (example of economics) anyway, part of the series. Early 2018. I censored the parts out for the Google listing, don't want to offend some powder puff.

Watch the feminists flip out

Spank it like you own it... the credit, not the chick. We are aggressively running this ad. Since we don't seem to cause much of a ripple, I figured this was a safe way to go. She isn't naked, which is, a damn shame. Early 2018.

Choose your own misery... with great credit

I had this idea for some time, the guy looks a tad uncomfortable in the tux, and all too civilized. Eurotrash stock photo company, charge an arm and a leg (bastards, that's why I won't advertise you) late 2017 push. Most people like that little phrase, which is kind of true. Great girls, tasty brandy. I'd rock that cigar.

Naughty Credit?

Spank it like you own it... the credit, not the chick. We are aggressively running this ad. Since we don't seem to cause much of a ripple, I figured this was a safe way to go. She isn't naked, which is, a damn shame. Early 2018.

Meet Edna

This photo makes me want to go her a hug. Old people are cool. If Frank's red hot sauce has the old lady that says "I put that shit on everything", we can do it too. Love It. Mock up, ready to go. Early 2018

Humorous truths...

In every business there will be liars, cheats, scoundrels and all American assholes. This is par for the course. We don't tell lies, we like to see it as telling humorous truths about boring liars. Anyway, this is a mock up idea. We need to buy the stock. Not run. Early 2018

Eurotrash superstar pimping love machine? Or just plain ol' Dimitri?

This one makes me wonder. It is a total mock up and I don't know if I should buy the stock. I'll take suggestions and go from there. Tighty whitie guy rocks the sexiness eh? Early 2018

Dude, relax

Primal screams... part of everyday life at Amazon corporate. It can help relieve stress and scare new employees. This is a different type of scream. The frustrated scream. We've been here plenty. Relax. Tao a deep breath and call us up. We may be able to help. Not run, debating. Client suggestion. Late 2017

Stimulating visuals

We tested this one on the ladies in the office. Oddly enough they didn't read a single word on the page. Wonder what could have distracted them? Running this one currently. Early 2018.

What is it about us that people find so refreshing?

We stand by our professionalism and our pledge to service. Indeed we go to extremes so our clients don't have to, and in the end this is what matters. 2018.

We were founded by that one guy who stands out...

Being different is always a good thing, no matter how nutty it seems at times. This one illustrates our unconventional approach to everything. Conversely speaking it has served us well. Late 2017.

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